WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Representative Devin Nunes, the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, told reporters on Wednesday that he just spent several days alone in his apartment holding hearings on President Donald J. Trump’s ties to Russia and that those hearings “went really great.”
“Having concluded several days of hearings on my own in my apartment, I am one hundred per cent satisfied that the President had no involvement with the Russians,” Nunes said. “Now it’s time to move on.”
While Nunes would not reveal who testified at the hearings in his apartment, he called their testimony “credible and productive.”
“I didn’t know what to expect when the hearings started, but, take my word for it, they were really, really good,” he said.
The disclosure that Nunes had conducted the Russia hearings alone in his apartment drew howls of protest from Adam Schiff, the ranking Democrat on the Intelligence Committee. “No one on the committee was invited to these hearings,” Schiff said. “I can’t believe that Devin keeps trying to get away with this crap.”
Nunes, however, pushed back against Schiff’s rebuke. “If Adam had ever seen my apartment, he would know there was not enough room to fit the whole committee in there,” he said.
After speaking to reporters, Nunes headed to the White House, where Trump presented him with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.