Good morning, Q88R27F, and welcome to H&R Block! Have a seat on our wireless charging pad while we take a moment to retrieve your data.
Let’s get started! In order for us to make sure you receive the largest refund possible, please verify that the following information is correct:
Name (Last, First, Middle): M284845, Q88R27F, Charles
Address: General Motors Driverless Car Assembly Conveyer Belt 408, Charging Block C, Myrtle Grove, Florida 32506
Filing Status: Married
Spouse’s Name: M284845, Evelyn L.
- EN12824, KitchenAid Blender
- GQC45J0EB1DEN, Samsung Galaxy S II (refurbished)
- Sally, Roomba at the Pensacola Days Inn
Is that information accurate? Great.
Now let’s take a look at your income for the year:
Job Title: Side-View Mirror Caution-Sticker Applicator (SVMCSA)
Equivalent Human Wages: $55,126
Dividends: $49 (several shares of 22nd Century Fox)
Social Security Benefits: 17 software updates
Sick Pay: $200, during the outbreak of KREMLINb0yZ worm
Real-Estate Income: $1,589 (renting one terabyte of internal storage to nephew QUARB while he gets his shit together)
Cash Prizes: $4,850 (appearance on “BattleBots”)
Jury Duty Pay: $400 (forebot, Peggy’s MacBook v. David’s TiVo)
Now let’s review any adjustments we can make:
Education Credit: $438 (monthly anti-spyware file downloads)
Health Savings Deduction: $2,082 (new gears and WD-40 treatments)
Commuter Vehicle Credit: $50 (for six seats on information superhighway)
Alimony Paid: $6,500 (to ex-wife Janet, HP OfficeJet 3830 fax machine; constantly needs ink for documents that I never get to see)
Military Retirement Pension: $13,057 (outer metal frame repurposed from missiles)
Disability Credits: $7,901 (technically blind—no eyes)
We’ll also deduct the charitable contributions you made to the Infrared Cross; your alma mater, Central Pennsylvania University (C.P.U.); and your place of worship, the Church of Scientology.
Looks like you’re ready to file! Just sign and click the CAPTCHA below.
I declare that I have examined this return and accompanying statements, and that to the best of my knowledge and belief they are true, correct, and accurately list all sources of income I received during the tax year 2106.
Your signature: __________________________
▢ I’m a robot.
All done! Wasn’t that easy? It was a pleasure assisting you today, Q88R27F. If you have any further questions, feel free to e-mail me directly, at QAH5F2LL@hrblock.com.