October 9, 2032: Sixteenth Year of the Resistance
To: Special Agent 440
Our usual communication method has proved insecure. Moving forward, all sensitive directives will be delivered via latte art.
Report to the Firefly Café, at Union and Seventh Avenue, at precisely 0800 hours Monday. To the right of the entrance is a portrait of the Most Supreme Greatest Leader and by the Way He’s Not Even Bragging. Salute it quickly so as not to arouse suspicion, and then step up to the counter and order a large latte. (We thought about doing a small latte, but we want to support local businesses!)
Once you have received your latte, be careful not to disturb the design. Loudly exclaim, “So pretty!” Then post a photograph of the drink to your personal Instagram, using the following hashtags in this exact order: #brooklyn #lattelove #mondaymorningvibes
This hashtag sequence activates our network of operatives, who will be waiting to see what design you have received; that design will communicate one of the following things.
Heart: Our next meeting will be at Mike’s Bikes, on Third Street, at midnight, Friday. Password for entry: “miso-glazed.”
Double heart: Our next meeting will be in the basement of Render Independent Booksellers, at midnight, Saturday. Please bring a light vegetarian snack to share, and be mindful that many of our brothers and sisters are gluten-free. Password for entry: “bespoke.”
Tulip: Our next meeting location will be the second floor of the Whole Foods in Union Square, at 11 A.M., Thursday. Please bring a laptop and plan to stay for a few hours in solidarity. Password for entry: “keep America weird.”
Rose: The meeting is compromised! Remain in place and await further instructions.
Spiderweb: There is a special on French Brie at the co-op ($8.99 a pound). Suspend all operations while you acquire as much as you can carry.
Swirl: Test the loyalty of other operatives by describing your dog’s antidepressant regimen. If they seem interested, they’re one of us.
Bunny: Does anyone need a pair of Merrells, men’s size 9? If so, call Gerry.
Chocolate-syrup cat: The end is nigh—bring guns and food and report to the nearest safe house.
If the latte design is messy or indecipherable, the barista is a plant. Do not hesitate. Viciously attack, and then take a photo of his or her bloody face and post to Instagram using the Jersey City filter.
Once your photo has been posted, the mission is complete and you can exit the café. Under no circumstances should you purchase a vegan pear-ginger scone. They look good, but they are consistently dry.
This message is printed on a hundred per cent post-consumer recycled material embedded with lavender seeds. Please plant after reading.