Women’s Difficulties That Melania Trump Feels Very, Very Strongly About

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CreditPHOTOGRAPH BY AL DRAGO / THE NEW YORK TIMES / REDUX

[Melania], like others that she’s working with, feels very, very strongly about women’s issues, women’s difficulties. Very, very strongly. She’s a very, very strong advocate.

—President Trump, in a press conference earlier today.

Wage Gap

I received a lot of criticism when I sued the Daily Mail because its negative coverage of me impeded my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to launch a broad-based commercial brand during my time as First Lady. Meanwhile, my husband is President and is allowed to keep his business and profit from it.

Street Harassment

From the moment that I, a woman, step out into the street, my identity makes me vulnerable to complete strangers harassing me by yelling things such as “Silence is violence!” and “Hands too small, can’t build a wall!”

Forced Cheerfulness

Men are allowed to display a full range of emotions, whereas women are expected always to appear happy. I do not care about America, and I do not think that I should be pathologized for looking bored by it.

Period Cramps

It doesn’t matter if you are a Democrat or a Republican or a neo-fascist’s Stepford wife: period cramps feel like something stabbing its way out of your uterus.

The Beauty Myth

Women are meant to spend endless money, time, and energy submitting to punitive patriarchal beauty standards. And yet there are some women out there who are still walking around with split ends. Your hair looks horrible and it is ruining my life.

Child-Care Costs

Child care is perhaps the most important feminist issue, and right now it is far too expensive. For example, it costs an estimated five hundred thousand dollars a day for the Secret Service to take my son to and from school. I am lucky enough to have the taxpayers cover this expense, but this is a cost that most women cannot afford.

Men Feeling Entitled to Your Time

Various MEN in my husband’s Administration have urged me to start leading White House tours and to make public appearances with heads of state and their wives. This is because MEN feel entitled to my time, and to tell me to smile. Listen, if you want to see a photo of me, look at my old spread in GQ.

Slut Shaming

I have been called a “hooker” and mercilessly mocked simply for choosing to dress in a way that makes me feel sexy. Women own their bodies and should not be shamed for any decisions they make about them.

The Slut Women Who Accused My Husband of Sexual Harassment

They are a bunch of hookers.

White Male Dominance of Late-Night Comedy

It is 2017, but somehow all the major late-night hosts are white men, and they’re all making fun of me for being “trapped” in Trump Tower. It is time for this to change!

Online Bullying

Everyone is making fun of my hashtag #PowerOfTheFirstLady. Stop it.

Infighting Among Women

While the feminist movement has always featured infighting, it is particularly shocking that a full forty-seven per cent of white women are not willing to stand with their sisters to uphold the patriarchy, which has sworn to continue to protect their interests as white people. We won this time, but if white women can’t come together on this issue then it might be a close call in 2020.

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